I use to feel completely alone, I felt like the black sheep of many things in my life due to how I was brought up, being bullied about my skin color, being taunted because I was raised by my grandmother. There were so many times I felt alone like no one heard my voice. I couldn’t figure out who was genuine and who wasn’t so I did the only thing I thought was right, and I pushed anyone who I came in contact away.
How could they be loyal? How could they be my friend? I had so many people come in my life for short periods of time and leave. I remember having a conversation with a friend, and he told me what he thought my poison was.
He said ” like most people you have your addiction, you are incredibly strong, and have a powerful mind. However, you seek love and validation from the two people, from people in general. So instead of you sleeping with several guys. Turning to drugs or alcohol to soothe the absence of your parents you try to figure out how they can love you”.
It was at the very moment in my life I realized how broken I was. I wanted validation, I wanted to be accepted, I thought It would make sense to this madness. The feeling of emptiness I carried inside. I began falling through this space where I avoided meeting new people; I distanced myself from my current relationships, and I became so closed off.
The moment I realized how bad things were for me I owned It. I gathered up the courage, and I began seeking to heal, doing things that I felt brought me happiness. It’s hard going through life when you feel alone, but I’ve learned with God First, I can weed out the wrong people before they become a problem and see the wholeness, the greatness and the good, selfless people just like myself.
My validation went from wanting to be loved and accepted by my family to realizing I may never be loved the way I deserve however the love I have for myself Is enough and the love I have from God is unconditional. Life is going to happen even if we aren’t prepared for it people will come and go but the ones that stick around are certainly worth it and I value each and every person that does. Be blessed, remain focused, be happy
-Ciarra R Zyyon