The day I stopped putting emphasis on the things I didn’t have my life began to flourish. I had to dig deep within myself and realize I had so much work to do. I saw my life literally slipping through my fingers, and I began to break.
Not only did I break on the inside I began to break on the outside. I put too much pressure on myself to become everything that everyone needed and Ieft nothing for myself. I looked over my life, and I found myself in the same space over and over again but how could this be?
It wasn’t until he hurt me that I realized the growth and past hurt I had from my relationship with my parents was the reason I continued to make poor choices in friendships and most of all poor choices in men. I still hurt inside that my mother and father would never be in my life in the capacity I’d like them to be.
The day I stopped putting emphasis on what I didn’t have, I took the time to relieve some of the hurt that so many people caused me in the past. I wanted friendships and most importantly love. I wanted people around me I wanted to feel needed, wanted, and most importantly accepted by just about anyone.
So even when he came, I thought I had it all together I still failed terribly because I wasn’t living for myself. I didn’t realize I had become everything I hated most a “people’s pleasure .” I had lost myself in the distance, and I looked toward the past trying to figure out where It all went wrong.
The advice my grandmother gave me the day I couldn’t control my emotions, the day I felt why in the Hell was I four steps backward to my previous place. She said” Ciarra you’ve got to live your life for yourself, and when I say this I mean you can’t worry about Justin, you can’t worry about me your can’t worry about your father and my dear certainly not your mother. You need to learn to make yourself your first option, so you never feel stuck.”
Looking back on that rough day, my heart was heavy; my mind was everywhere, but I realized she was right I had to live my life for me.[We often find ourselves in bad situations, bad relationships. For those of you who feel lost, I say keep faith dig deep find whatever you need to find within yourself because its there you just got to search sometimes remove all the bullshit and find that at which you thought you were missing be strong, stay blessed, have faith.
-Ciarra R Zyyon