It’s been awhile since I’ve actually written a lifestyle post speaking to women. No, this post is not to bash men or down play gender roles in relationships. Keyword: RELATIONSHIPS IF THE TITLE WAS EARNED IN THE FIRST PLACE
Many women, like myself at one point in my life, gave up their happiness to please some selfish man who could care less about her once the thrill was gone. Either she was too damn scared to speak up about what she wanted or she was just “going with the flow” of things. She let the man control their relationship momentum like he was the prize when in actuality she possessed the true power. As women we have the ability to give life and withstand immeasurable amounts of pain with the odds stacked against us but how is it that we often forget that we are a man’s equal that should be respected just as much as he is? At least that is what religion teaches us. How is it that we forget to place a stamp of VALUE on our womanhood? Men have killed and started wars since the beginning of time over the most powerful creature on earth: The woman! Yet we forget how to exude our power. Again, not to demean or disrespect a man or his ego but to display what he should respect and appreciate. We let some men walk all over us, lie to us, cheat on us and even demean us.
In the words of Bryson Tiller: “Girl he only fucked you over because YOU LET HIM” .
Let me start by giving you a dose of Kimberly Ni’Cole Reality Check 101
I don’t give a damn how many lies a guy feeds you about ‘not wanting just sex when he first saw you. Show him to me and I will call him a lie to his face. All men have though of some sexual act to perform on you during the first run in with you. It was the mystery of something new and appealing that attracted him. How else did you think he was attracted to you? If he got open off of you telling him your favorite color he is basic as hell. He barely even knew your damn name girl it was your physical and the thought of what it could be hitting for. All Jacob knew was that you had a fat ass when you two first met. I know we don’t want to admit it but we are OBJECTS until we place our price tag in his hands figuratively speaking. Don’t be simple minded..i don’t mean go throwing your “pearl” to the first man that winks at you then ask him is he going to pay you in cash, debit,credit, or a shopping spree to Saks. What I mean is that your physical got you in the door but your mental stimulation will keep you in. Once you get your foot in the door you can promise your “pearl” all day without having to give it up until he’s earned his place with you. Have some discipline and make him earn your attention and time. Clutch your “pearls” until he has shown you he is worthy. How does he show you that? By his effort. Once you expose his mental and exercise your value, the effort will come. Follow me?
We know our worth but for some reason we compromise it for the guy that we want the most without making him show us why WE should be choosing HIM to begin with. He should be the lucky one, not you. Men are conquerors by nature. They rarely respect something they didn’t work to get. I blame it on society and the male ego. As women we are taught to be modest and less demanding. Do you think your mom won your dad over by not taking up for herself when dad messed up or wasn’t treating her right? As modest as she may seem I’m sure she let pops know what it was from the get go.
Some of us, however, are too afraid of “pushing him away” or “hurting his feelings”. What if he doesn’t like this about me? What if he get’s mad if I ask him about his old relationships BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Who gives a shit? He wasn’t worried about your feelings when he went out with Brittany. The reason you’ve been getting hurt is because you didn’t take the time to audition him for the role in your life. YOU CLAIM YOU’RE A BOSS? Well BOSS THE HELL UP AND STOP ACTING YOUR WEAVE LENGTH! Your future is at stake and you cannot just place it in anyone’s hands. Be selective. You don’t get interviewed, you do the damn interviewing if a man thinks he can just come interrupt your life with his presence. Communicate with him what you want him to do and show him how he should treat you. Not like his mother. Keyword is to SHOW him how he should treat you. Let him know that you are not a one night stand, a friends with benefit, a bottom bitch, or a ‘around the way” type of girl or our worse night mare…. “THE FRIEND ZONE CHICK”. Stop giving him so much of you if he isn’t willing to give up himself. I don’t blame the guy for not giving you anything, I BLAME YOU FOR NOT DEMANDING IT.! Had you took the time to actually date by asking the right questions you would have known if he was serious about you. Get an attitude, roll your eyes but closed mouths don’t get fed. Your fear of pushing him away through your demands is why you gave up so much while he gave you so little. You were treated like a Buick when you should have been treated like a Maserati. Instead of you setting the tone at the beginning of the relationship, you decided to just “go with the flow”. Next thing you know you are in a situationship (or even worse..a relationship) with a guy who doesn’t respect you.. I don’t care how long you’ve known this guy, if you have to question your worth or place in his life you need to leave. If he’s got you auditioning to be the main character in his story, LEAVE. If he has an excuse of why he can’t spend time with you frequently, LEAVE. If you find yourself putting in more work in a relationship or friendship with a guy that you want to be romantically involved with and you’ve communicated that with him yet he doesn’t want to step up, LEAVE HIS ASS ALONE! A Queen does not have time to leave her fate(heart) in the possession of a pawn or joker. In the game of love you can win if you put in the work to call him on his bluff.
Let me leave you with this. A guy once told me that loneliness and boredom shouldn’t drive a woman of value into the hands of potentials and “could be’s”. She will understand her true KING will pull Excalibur out of a stone for her even when she is working on her own kingdom because she is to valuable to pass up. Weeding through the jokers, pawns, and pretenders will become second nature to her. The woman of value will recognize that if time elapsed, treatment, or the choices of “Mr Potential King” doesn’t align with what she’s looking for in that moment at ANY given time no matter who he is to her…he must GO! Potential never deserves her loyalty or time until potential proves himself worthy and rises to HER occasion.
The reason you didn’t get much out of the guy you gave everything to was because you gave to much of yourself too soon.
Ladies, choose wisely.