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After yesterday’s Dear CelebrityXO series….we’ve came up with a few answers to this dilemma…

Dear Celebrity Xo,

I don’t know where to start. I’m hurt and confused but what should I do? The other day I picked up my boyfriends phone when he left out the room. He left it unlock and I picked it up to move it bc he had an alert. I could not believe my damn eyes as I saw 2 dating apps he had downloaded on his phone. Plenty of Fish and Tinder. I was infuriated but I did not say anything. I pretended everything was fine when he reentered the room though I know he knew some thing was wrong. I shouldn’t have gone through his phone but a feeling came across that things weren’t right. Never has his trust been a issue for the 3 years we’ve known each other. We were great friends which led to our relationship. I didn’t have to question my place. I want to bring it up to him but what if he gets upset or uncomfortable? I don’t want to ruin what we already have by being petty. I thought our love for each other was mutual. The thought of him cheating or being interested in another woman would tear me a part.

Dear Great Catch,

I’m sorry that you are confused and don’t know where to start. I know what it’s like to care about someone only to find that they have betrayed you in some way. I want you to think about something however, why did you pick up your boyfriend’s phone when he LEFT the room? If you’re going to be bold be bold in his face. You expected NOT to find anything or did you expect too? I say that to say this, deep down somewhere you knew some thing wasn’t right or else you wouldn’t have looked. Something happened that you went from not having to question his behavior, to having to question his behavior. That feeling you got in your stomach? Was a pass to have a CONVERSATION with your significant other not to play inspector gadget. You put into the universe what you want to get back. You gave attention to it and it popped up. Never mind that part though let’s talk about what you should do moving forward. There are 2 things you can do: 1) Ignore it and SHUT UP about it …or 2) talk to him about. You’re the one feeling disgruntled and heartbroken. You’re the one that needs clarification at this point and cannot sleep. Who gives a SHIT (excuse my language) how uncomfortable he feels? He made you uncomfortable by putting himself on dating websites. Risk the penis ma’am. Tell him what’s up. He will probably be upset that you didn’t trust him and he has every right to be upset at you for going behind his back but this is where you guys are at. Rebuilding trust or letting each other go. At least give him a chance to answer for himself. Now how you perceive his answers and the decision you make will depend on those answers. Maybe this is a growth opportunity for the both of you to experience. Complacency isn’t supposed to be happening anyway. I’m not relationship expert but I believe in being fair. I also believe in SPEAK UP OR SHUT UP. If it’s an issue address it and figure out how you both can improve. Or ….address it and walk. How long has he had the dating app? Did he have it before you guys made it exclusive? Remember to include that in the conversation and don’t put him in the blame seat because you might not get the truthful answers. Take a deep breath and talk in public rather than private. That gives you some resistance to an argument or raised voices. We hope this brings some light to you in your situation. IF the love is real and true… (deep down you know if it is or isn’t) …then fight for it. Be truthful to yourself.

Kimberly Ni’Cole

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